for those who feel.

confused, lonely, left behind or in love it doesn't matter. this one might be for you.

My dermatologist asked me if I was “family planning” today. She had to explain herself because I had no clue what that meant, only to realize it meant exactly what it sounded like.

I forgot for a moment I wasn’t 16 and was fully a 25-year-old woman.

When I said no, she told me, “It’s okay, you still have time.” As if it was implied that I didn’t. I, of course, took slight offense at this because it called out the insecurity and fear that I was in fact behind. Something of which I’ve been feeling a lot of recently.

To the point of what I want to chat about this week:

I’ve been feeling a multitude of emotions lately and haven’t known what to do with them. That’s something everyone fails to tell you about your 20s - you will, without fail, feel every single emotion at the exact same time.

You’ll feel grief at the same time you’re feeling joy. You’ll feel confusion at the same time you’re feeling peace. You’ll feel like you’re behind while feeling like you have the whole world ahead of you. None of it will make any sense, but you’ll be expected to hold yourself together while emotions battle for dominance inside of you.

Maybe it’s just me, and I feel things too deeply, or maybe everyone feels this way - they’re just better at coping with it than I am.

I was going to write about how I’m getting through the confusion that is your 20s, but I sat for a long time staring out the window trying to discover how I actually am dealing, and I couldn’t come up with anything. Guess that means I need to do a little better at checking in with myself before I go and share advice on the internet.

So if there’s anything I can offer you today, it’s reassurance.

Reassurance that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one feeling lost and lonely and somehow very old yet very young. You’re not the only one who neglects their journal in fear of what may show up. You’re not the only one who feels left behind and too far gone. It’s okay to feel a million emotions at once, and it’s okay to take your time sorting through them all.

That’s my advice, I guess: take the time to sort through the emotions swirling around in that head of yours. Give them to God and let Him bring you peace and understanding.

Sometimes breakdowns come in the car ride after a dermatologist appointment, and that’s okay. We get back up and try again. We acknowledge the emotions at the forefront of our minds, and we do what we can to move forward. Emotion to emotion, day by day - one thing at a time.

I have about a hundred drafts on here because I’ve somehow convinced myself that I have nothing worth sharing. It’s a silly thing how our own thoughts can betray and isolate us. So instead of adding another entry to my drafts, I’m forcing myself to post this - barely edited and probably a very good representation of my scattered mind at the moment. I’m sharing in hopes that it reaches my fellow friends who feel a little too much sometimes. Though I have no solid advice to offer you, I hope you feel seen.

So I’m now going to continue on with my day, post car breakdown and Substack mind dump - all I can hope is that at least one of you relates to this (or at least pretends to so I don’t feel crazy). Okay, thank you for reading. I’m forcing myself to write more, so consider this attempt #1.